Marriage -
The Relationship Between Husband And Wife In The Kingdom
Many cultures hold different views, concepts and rules about marriage and the roles of the husband and wives, it’s true also that some of those views and laws are constantly changing concerning marriage. But we cannot deny that the way we were raised plays a major part in how we view marriage.
For those who are in Christ, born again and filled with the Spirit of God, cannot look at the world for guidance in this so important subject. It was God Himself who instituted marriage, and He is the One we must look to in order to understand and live this great and beautiful mystery of marriage.
What is marriage according to the Bible? The Scriptures defines marriage as the union of two people of the opposite sex, a man and a woman, this bond between husband and wife supersedes all other relationships (See Mark 10:6-9 and Ephesians 5:31.)This union is called by God a “covenant,” as Malachi 2: 14 tells us, “…she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
Mark 10:6-9
“But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.””
Ephesians 5:31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
1- The role of the wife in a Kingdom marriage
We are going to see some Bible references in a few different translation to discover the biblical role of the wife in a godly marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-24
In the New King James Version says,
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
In The Passion Translation says,
22 For wives, this means being devoted to your husbands like you are tenderly devoted to our Lord, 23 for the husband provides leadership for the wife, just as Christ provides leadership for his church, as the Saviour and Reviver of the body. 24 In the same way the church is devoted to Christ, let the wives be devoted to their husbands in everything.
In the Message translation says:
“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
1 Peter 3:2-6
In The Passion Translation says,
1 And now let me speak to the wives. Be devoted to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the Word of God, your kind conduct may win them over without you saying a thing. 2 For when they observe your pure, godly life before God, it will impact them deeply. 3–4 Let your true beauty come from your inner personality, not a focus on the external. For lasting beauty comes from a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is precious in God’s sight and is much more important than the outward adornment of elaborate hair, jewellery, and fine clothes.
5 Holy women of long ago who had set their hopes in God beautified themselves with lives lived in deference to their own husbands’ authority. 6 For example, our “mother,” Sarah, devoted herself to her husband, Abraham, and even called him “master.” And you have become her daughters when you do what is right without fear and intimidation.
Notes to learn and discuss:
We will be shocked to discover that the Greek word for “submit,” or “supportive,” is not found in v. 22 of Ephesians 5, It is literally “Wives, with your husbands.” This particular verse has been taken out of context by so many, believing that the wife has no voice and need to submit to her husband as he dominates and controls her in every way, not only that, but this verse has also been taken out of context implying that a woman must submit to all men in general, this is wrong and unscriptural. Is the woman to rebel against her husband? Absolutely not! We clearly see that in some marriages the woman is the one in charge yet in others the man is controlling the wife through fear and intimidation making her to have no rights or say, both of these extreme scenarios are wrong. Through the Holy Spirit we want to discover the heart of God and the right biblical way the husband and wife should conduct in their marriage. It’s not good enough to have a marriage that’s better than other marriages, but it’s about doing exactly God’s will and through our marriage we can witness to others God’s wisdom, love and super abundant grace.
In the passage of 1 Peter 3, verse 1, Peter has used the word “submit” that has a military and sporting analogies association. It can refer to the act of “falling in line,” i.e. each soldier reporting to his proper place; or each team member respecting how the team works, i.e. acknowledging and participating in his assigned position. Which means the woman acknowledges her position and willing defer authority to the husband. In ancient times a common title of honour and respect was “master” or “lord.”Sarah acknowledge the leadership and headship of her husband. (Verse 6)
The wife is not inferior to her husband in any way, but God has set an order in the family where He has chosen the husband as protector and head of the home. Therefore, the wife is to honour her husband respecting the responsibility of his position and his accountability to God.
The wife should never be intimidated by her husband, a relationship based on fear. The Aramaic can be translated “without being terrified by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:6)
The wife is to defer the authority to her husband willingly. No where in the Bible husbands are told to impose submission to their wives, or to discipline them or even abuse them physically until they submit, in fact, God is against such things, He even says He doesn’t listen to the husband prayers when He treats the wife unfairly and breaks covenant by committing adultery (See Malachi 2 and 1 Peter 3:7). God created us all unique as individuals and gave us a will, and we should never force anyone to do what they don’t want to do. For example: God’s respects each person’s decisions to the point that He is not going to force anyone to Heaven, each person must decide to follow Christ and make Him his Lord and Saviour. The same in a marriage, the man cannot force his wife to submit to him. A godly wife will choose willingly the authority of the husband as she would to the Lord, yet she doesn’t need to submit to anything that violates her Christian ethics or faith.
Malachi 2:13-17
In the Amplified Translation says,
“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with [your own] weeping and sighing, because the LORD no longer regards your offering or accepts it with favour from your hand. But you say, “Why [does He reject it]?” Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your marriage companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your vows]. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong and violence,” says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore keep watch on your spirit, so that you do not deal treacherously [with your wife].” You have wearied the LORD with your words. But you say, “In what way have we wearied Him?” In that you say, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them,” or [by asking], “Where is the God of justice?””
1 Peter 3:7
In The Passion Translation says,
“Husbands, you in turn must treat your wives with tenderness, viewing them as feminine partners who deserve to be honoured, for they are co-heirs with you of the “divine grace of life,” so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
2- The role of the husband in a Kingdom marriage
Here are Scriptures in different translation to learn about the role the husband in a godly marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-33
In the Amplified version says:
25 Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word [of God], 27 so that [in turn] He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy [set apart for God] and blameless. 28 Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members (parts) of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church. 33 However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behaviour worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honouring him, and holding him dear].
In the Message translation says:
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honour her husband.”
1 Peter 3:7
In the New King James Version says,
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Notes to learn and discuss:
Husbands have the obligation of loving and caring for their wives the same way they love and care for their own bodies, for to love their wife is to love himself. Exactly like Christ does for his church!
There can’t be no excuses or misunderstandings in how to love because Christ’s example of love is very clear.
The man has been put in charge as a Manager but he is not superior to the woman. They are equal., as Galatians 3:27-29 NKJV tells us, “For as many of you as were baptised into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”
The man doesn’t have to understand all women but only his wife, never assuming but through communication they get an intimate insight of one another, and they are not ignorant of each other’s preferences and desires. But not only the man must live with understanding towards his wife, he must also give honour to her. This is something we don’t hear often.
When it refers to the woman as the weaker vessels, could be a possible idiom for “weaker livelihood.” Widows and female orphans were horribly disadvantaged in the time this was written. Without an advocate, women were often oppressed by corrupt political officials.
3- The Kingdom perspective of Marriage
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
In the New King James version says,
“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Malachi 2:16
In the Message says,
“I hate divorce,” says the GOD of Israel. GOD -of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.”
Notes to learn and discuss:
Husband and wife are to work as a team serving the Lord and living for His purposes. They are to be in unity of spirit, soul and body in alignment to God’s will. Husband, wife and Christ are the three cord that cannot break easily.
A biblical marriage is the union of two people, a man and a woman that have surrendered their lives to Christ, and make covenant with God and each other to become one. To divorce is to dismember that one flesh, and God hates this.
It’s not about what you can get out of the relationship but what you can give to serve the other better.
Marriage is not a competition between the husband and the wife, two insecure people striving to be better one than the other. One has strengths in one area and the other in other areas, they meant to complement each other and help each other all in the love of God and for the advancing of His kingdom.
The godly marriage is to radiate God’s glory to others, they witness to others about the love Christ has for His Church.
A man and a woman that wait for God’s timing and keep themselves pure until the day they make vows to each other and enter into covenant before God and in front of witnesses, have God’s blessing, favour and protection. And because the foundation has been done right, their future in God will be good. No need to fear that things will go wrong, because they trust in Christ who will always hold them together in good times and difficult times.
Complete harmony and unity between a man and a women is impossible unless Christ takes first place in their marriage. Faithfulness till death do them part (Physical or in thought) is impossible unless Christ takes first place in their marriage. A godly marriage is a supernatural marriage.
Ephesians 5:32 TPT
“Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great mystery of Christ and his church.”
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for showing us through your Word, the amazing truths of the Kingdom and the amazing plan you have for our lives.
Heal our hearts and minds from the hurts we have suffered in the area of relationship. Forgive us for looking to the world to teach us about marriage and not to you. We repent and ask you to guide us, lead us and help us to learn from you.
Thank you for making clear my responsibility and the role I play as a wife or husband in the marriage. Help me to do it your way.
I put my trust in you and I declare I will succeed because you live in me and you are greater than anyone else.
I rest confident in you and thank you for your grace and the Holy Spirit’s help,
In Jesus name
Amen